the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
