I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
