My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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