You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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