Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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