I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
