I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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