M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
