Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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