Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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