I can't breathe out the right side of my face
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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