haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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