I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
