Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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