I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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