it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
