so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
