If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
