your thong is hanging out like whoa
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
