you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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