so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize