Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
