i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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