why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
