that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
