my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
