he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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