i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
