Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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