Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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