You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
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The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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