I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
