so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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