i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
