Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
