he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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