In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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