I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
