best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
