Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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