I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize