in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
