just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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