Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
