whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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