she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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