She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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