So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Screwed.edu
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
