I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
