The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
