his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
