I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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