I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
