paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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