I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
