The maid of honor just puked.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
