Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
love makes seman taste better
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
