if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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