All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just want to make out with him forever
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
