Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
