i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
