OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
