all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sex in a hospital.. check
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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